I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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