So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
