Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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