WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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