im drinking this country out of the recession.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this will be a night to untag.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
