We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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