i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize