if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
