so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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