Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
