i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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