Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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