New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
