Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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