Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
