walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
