I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this boner is exhausting
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
