I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
