what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
