I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
