What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
