I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
