He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
