And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Reggie can tackle my bush.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
