y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
