barbara walters just said penis...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
