I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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