I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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