I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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