I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
