; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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