broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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