i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't deserve a penis
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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