i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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