Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
