dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
