Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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