So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
