Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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