I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
