Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
