ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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