mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry about my life...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
