i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
