i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
