I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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