Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
