I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
