It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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