dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
