You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Randomize
