Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize