You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
