im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
