i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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