Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
