last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize