I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
