Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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