note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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