One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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