I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
