It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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