Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
they need to just BURY HIM!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
