You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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