am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
