I don't usually arrange sex via text message
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
