Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize