i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There r osticjed everywhere
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
