I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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