All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
