Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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