dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
