Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
