i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
