broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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