New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
