its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I could fuck to npr.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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