I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
