Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
