Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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