just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What drink are we having for lunch?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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