i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
