I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You pole danced in your parka.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
