I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize