All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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