Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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