my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
