Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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