Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
