She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
