My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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