Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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