First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
