no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
