Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
