WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
